turns out, we are in a foreign country.

Kyoto is a famous place. everyone says they love kyoto. the guidebooks INSIST on kyoto: the temples, the food, etc. however not one person fully explained how UNBELIEVABLY HOT IT IS HERE. ok, so that's not true, everyone said it was hot, but this must be a bad translation. this is not 'hot' as we know it - this humidity is unbreathable.

ADVICE: BELIEVE THE WEATHER REPORTS.

arrival: We arrived around 3, starving (as usual..), jacked up on 9 cups of coffee (as usual..), and exhausted (patterns..), walk out of the train station and almost pass out. picture hot yoga, but without the yoga, and WITH a giant backpack. or maybe just picture the most humid place you can imagine, and hold your breath. ahh. yes.. that's it. ***

dinner: lonely planet described this place as "300 year old soba shop" with the kyoto delicacy "fish in noodles." great. perfect. we head out around... 5? "20 minute walk." 1.5 hours later..... we are still lost.

skills: putting my masterful japanese to work, I ask this woman for directions. she has no idea what we are talking about, so decides to call - but soon she notices that she lost her phone. internally she must be in a panic, but continues to help, and brings over another guy who starts the conversation by saying "i can't help, I'm part jewish." (???) so all four of us, confused, hot, and unable to communicate, are all huddled over lonely planet as if this group formation will somehow produce answers. magically, it does and shawn and i had been going in the EXACT wrong direction.

imminent death: dying from heat overload - i need hydration and grab a convenient vending machine "water." Fuck - it is cloudy?? how is this possible? what am i drinking? great. so now, not only am a losing weight from lack of food and heat, but i am replacing my much needed vitamins with a-horrible-cloudy-water-beverage. we are both about to cry.

"success": we find it.

entering: is this a door? do we go in? is there anyone there? what about these shoes?!? I AM ABOUT TO EAT MY HANDS. please god, someone help us.

ordering: ahhh, yes.. the special! We'll have the SPECIAL! KYOTO's FAMOUS SPECIAL FISH NOODLE THING! (pictured above, left). HURRY!!

man, this would have been delicious!!! ........ if we had the palate for dried smoked, fishy, wood chips. turns out... we don't. the rest of the meal was great, kyoto is great, and it smells like love.

conclusion: i too INSIST you come. just trade your confidence and guidebook for a good map and a local.