again the hi-tech future is of japan's.

each time i take time off of studying japanese, i come back slower and whiter than before. frustrated, this is an inevitable part of studying foreign languages. however, this frustration is a thing of the past! soon all i will need is put on these fashionable glasses (above). y VOILA! ENTIENDO!!

"the tele scouter glasses feature a compact microphone and camera, which picks up the foreign-language conversation. this audio recording is then relayed to a small computer worn on the user's waist, which transmits the information to a remote server. the server translates the words from speech to text, and transmits it back to the glasses, where the translated phrase then appears on a tiny retinal display, providing the wearer with a transcript of the conversation in their own language."


- www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news/6493869/NEC-unveils-tele-scouter-translation-glasses.html

in other words, your don juan's sweet nothings can be translated to your eye in real time, via a small screen set by your eyeball. is the world really ready for this digital display? cause it is soon ready for the world. oh sheila!!

priced to sell at 30 units for about 12 million dollars. (credits above to www.engrish.com and liz for use of leforge!)

japan's biggest export.

in japanese, the song's title is ue o muite arukō (i shall walk looking up). however, the producers in the early 60's thought this title would be too hard for english speakers to remember, so they renamed it "sukiyaki" - which is the japanese dish where you simmer your food at the table in hotpot. now, unless you are hot-potting it WHILE listening to this song, sukiyaki has NOTHING to do with the song. it was presumed that most english speakers would never know, nor care.


personally, i would have just called it noodles.





上を向いて歩こう ue o muite arukō ([I] shall walk looking up)
涙がこぼれないように namida ga kobore nai yō ni (so [my] tears won't fall)
思い出す春の日 omoidasu haru no hi (remembering spring days)
一人ぼっちの夜 hitori bocchi no yoru ([on this] lonely night)



















and you thought japan only exported hello kitty.

two blogs for the price of one: let me introduce maru

アマゾンの箱げっとー。I got the box of the Amazon.


遊び疲れましたよ。Because I played a lot, I am sleepy.


今日はワインの箱に入っていますよ。I am in the box of the wine today.





maru- the cat who likes boxes way more than your cat. and franzia (who knew franzia made its way to japan?! way to impress, america!).


for more real LIVE 'kawaii' culture, here is his blog:


http://sisinmaru.blog17.fc2.com/


(all credits to maru's owner for being incredible, and thanks to liz for expanding my knowledge to this important blog).

the secret ingredient to noodles: LEAVE OUT THE CRAB (a ramen review)

forgetting completely where I live last night, my visiting scottish friend, stewart and i, headed for yakatori in the east village. on st. marks. on a friday night. soooooo instead of the inevitable 1.5 hour wait appetizer, we took on to “plan b”: noodles.




"menkui tei" is my shining star of japanese noodles, located on 56th street at 6th ave. i go after work (“noodle fridays”) and sometimes after the gym (just to insure i completely erase any accomplished exercise results). as it turns out, my favorite place has a second location right around the corner from st. marks, so our plan b is a no brainer.


NOODLE FRIDAY IS ON.


we walk in and are greeted by a line of 8 people waiting: one large group of 6 and one couple I will affectionately call mr. and mrs. douchebag. adhering to STANDARD PROTOCOL, i head to the front to put our name on the waiting list. naturally, this IMMEDIATELY starts a stir with mr. douchebag, who (always one step ahead) cleverly thinks I am about to cut off his manhood with this sly maneuver of mine.


“I WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL OF!”



so doing what every douchebag is trained to do on a date, he puffs up his (manscaped) hairy chest and charges up to the front to erase all potential line confusion by sticking his ELBOW out in front of me. this move permanently secures his territory and proclaims that the battle for noodles is ON IF I WANT IT. fortunately for him, they were seated, and there would be no need for me to embarrass him. I’m sure he did enough for himself by sitting down and ordering up a hot steaming plate of pad thai. ahh, the east village.




ESTABLISHMENT REVIEW:

now, it is famous in all circles that japanese politeness and service comes standard with ramen. in fact, entering into their other location on 56th is like teleporting yourself away to tokyo with the thunderous noise of the of the “slurp” and the incredible customer service. however, that place is far away and is not here. not now. not on friday in the east village. it seems that sadly, the location of this ramen shop has completely transformed this “ex-pat-jap-staff” into those “new-york-city-service-industry-tards” that believe that the customer is to make THEIR life easier. perhaps they are responding to a endless supply of mr. and mrs. douchebags. i don’t know and i don’t care. i want my gyoza with a side of niceness, and no crab.


time it took to take our drink order: 10 minutes
time it took to get our bill: 25 minutes
waiters it took to get that bill: 3
time it took to get attitude when we politely asked for reasonable requests (i.e. our bill 3 times): 0 minutes.


TAKE OUT ONLY.

funky forest: the review!

at least answer me: what in god's name is this movie about?!




in my extensive experience with movie reviews, i can say that usually it is a dangerous path of spoilers. however, fear not, for how can you give away a movie's plot when, well, THERE IS NONE! it took me two sittings to get thru Funky Forest. partially because it is almost 3 hours long, and (not unlike watching Tommy!), you begin to feel insane around halfway.






this was all taken into consideration, and the filmmakers even provide the intermission for your much needed pause.





a series of short movies with characters that intertwine, Funky Forest is NOT a hollywood film. your first clue is that there is no linear plot. it is a collection of related themes, and some super intense costumes. you second clue is that it is in japanese.

"karyn, what are the themes?" (you seem to ask), "is it more death?" (you seem to continue). surprisingly no. no one dies. however, there are lots of monsters/aliens, so i feel it still falls within my genius generalizations of an entire culture's cinematic history. man, am i good!!









Final analysis: (out of 10 noodles)

monsters/aliens: 8 noodles
dance moves: 10+ noodles
jams: 7 noodles
plot: not available noodles

so, basically, this movie is about aliens and dance moves.


here is also a picture of the noodles i used to rate this film:




just kidding, but, i did eat them.

initial d: "rage your dream."

stills from the the closing song for each episode of Initial D: a japanese tv show (i think) form the 90s (i think) about car enthusiasts and a tofu-delivering, champion drifter. i'm on episode two...




















questions: will i ever have the patience for anime? why does it never look finished and all seem like it is from the 70s? and what's with all the tight eye closeups?








i'm really trying - but this is anime.

japan hates the yankees too.

we didn't see a lot of real dogs in japan (pictures of dogs, yes). however, when we did find dogs, it was the motherload.


Note: NOT yankees fans, go METS (next year, that is).

the red panda attack.

to some, this will be old news as i have been obsessed with this youtube find for years. for others, this post may change the way you view the ENTIRE WORLD and its contents.


over these illustrious years i have also found this same lucky girl living with baby hogs, koalas, puppies, baby pandas, and my favorite- the red pandas below.

short version:




to try and figure what is actually happening here, is worth learning japanese alone.


someone, someday will tell me who this girl is and what IS actually happening here, but in the meantime, like me, you can pretend you understand.


if you need more (and surely, you do) go here for what could be the full version. the jerks won't let me steal it and post it, however (despite its obvious importance):


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAbuKblNHoE

opportunities abroad.

shoes: a short revisit

i finished "who's camus anyway?" last night, and while i don't intend to give anything away, the end of the movie is the "murder scene," and was worth the wait.


the boy/actor enters the house to commit the "ultimate crime."


the old woman is cooking.... he sneaks in the door..... grabs a hammer... closes the door quietly.... then... he.....





TAKES OFF HIS SHOES!!! he actually stops to take the time to TAKE them off and put them (with great care, mind you) on the ground, carefully placing them side by side to face in the 'correct' direction (facing the door).


my question is : at this time, why are you still bothering with this crazy!? (see previous post, 8-1-09) if it is a cleanliness issue, i'm sure the blood from the murder is a MUCH bigger concern, no? or if it is some kind of respect issue, i think you've blown that one too.

my body is in ny, but my head, never returned.

no, i am not in japan. i'm still here. but for the past 6 months, i've been studying japanese, and since returning from japan, i've been obsessed with noodles, japanese music, and finding good octopus balls in nyc. so, as the obsession continues, so do the questions, and so does the blog. i may be in nyc, but the questions, interest, and "studies" continue. these are my notes.


accepting ALL suggestions for food, culture, and games.

the death of japanese film.

Today's feature: Kamyu nante shiranai (Whos camus anyway?) 2005 directed by Mitsuo Yanagimachi.



i admit, i know nothing about japanese movies, and am starting from scratch, but it serves as my only remote window into japan from nyc - a companion piece to learning any language, i think.

so, to answer the burning question that naturally follows.... no, i don't count "Fast and the Furious 2: Tokyo Drift" as a Japanese film.

To answer the OTHER question, no, I can't understand a word. (occasionally catching a "konnichiwa," is nothing to brag about, i'm sure).




so far my film fest has included the story of a cursed and evil newspaper (Yogen (Premonition), 2004, above), and a sad family with a dead son (Aruitemo Aruitemo (Still Walking), 2008, below).






currently the thematic breakdown of the available japanese-cable-on demand-movies:


monsters 2

assasins/revenge 3

war/ninjas 2

murder/killers 2

family drama 1

student drama 1

(please note: the family drama? -- about death. the student drama? about making a movie about, you guessed it, death.)


what's with all the death? what is time warner trying to tell me? can this really be an accurate representation of japanese cinematic themes? who's running the cultural show over there: Bauhaus? Marilyn Manson? i understand that at this particular moment, my choices for this 'fest' are dictated by the choices offered by Time Warner Cable, because i am just too lazy, at the moment, to leave my house. but either Cable has an incredibly sick sense of humor, or the japanese film audience is incredibly morbid. who's to blame?

any suggestions are welcome.


(side note: i loved "Still Walking" 2008)

love and disco.

lost in translation.

i realize that this post is cheating, since in i'm brooklyn, but they are worth the extra post. we found the bar in lost in translation, and i'm not afraid to say half the reason we went was because i like the movie so much. however, all cheesy-fan-tourism feelings were erased the minute we saw this 52nd floor view of tokyo. it was hard to capture. the views of the city were incredible, and seeing this expansive view in all directions was enough to take our breath away. it was either the view, or the $250 tab for 6 drinks and a salad that choked us up..

this view is worth all of it and one of my favorite moments.

thanks for paying attention - this is us signing off.

i miss japan already.

keep clean.

snacks.

the end is near.

the trip comes to a close in less than 24 hours. 24 REAL hours (not the strange jet lag ones we are about to RE-experience). i don't want to go home - but mostly because i am not looking forward to the 2:30 am morning rise and shine. in other words, sure, i'll meet you at the bar, but i'll be drinking my morning coffee.

as with any trip, we are sad to end it, however, having spent the afternoon shopping in tokyo again, we both realized a couple things: this place is exhausting. the amount of people screaming is immeasurable, and i they scream louder in order to be heard over the 2 - 3 broadcasts simultaneously being heard at any given moment. sure, the first couple days of the trip were also in tokyo, however, due to excitement and insane jet lag (nausea and sleepless insanity), i think i just assumed it was me turning everything into a spastically loud cartoon. turns out, it is NOT me, and i was semi blind before.

i need to stress this : while being clean (we covered this), walking down the streets in MANY areas, sends any sane person into psychotic states. those voices you normally quiet in your brain? here, are all being broadcast at once. all around you. and you cannot understand one, fucking, word.




i nice way to end the trip, i think.



after purchasing about $300 in candy, my brain shut off, and i was required to return home. Fortunately for shawn and i, this home is a giantly expensive and fancy hotel, (thanks to my mom's hyatt points). THE TOILET DOOR LIFTS AND SHUTS AUTOMATICALLY. the bed is two queens put together, and i just came back from 3 different hot soaks in the spa (jacuzzi, hot bath, then a quick cold). i am not afraid to abuse the luxury (nor am i afraid to rob this place blind of the adorable toothpastes they provide both morning and night).


my friend in tokyo last night was able to answer a lot of questions i've gathered during my trip:



1. why no towels in the bathrooms?

2. why no soap?

3. why do buddhas wear red bibs?

4. why do people in tokyo walk on the left side of the street, and people in kyoto- on the right?

5. are those fake bird noises i hear on the subway platform? (ps. yes)



these hard hitting questions now have answers, and i feel much more educated- ready to return. i can't wait to return to japan after studying more of the language, however. fingers crossed, in a couple years when we return i'll be able ask questions AND understand responses. here's to hoping.

the world of quietness.

"I send the latest trend into the world of the quietness"

the greatest story ever told?

the beginning of this show was some kind of contest for various cats and dog videos - it ended with this extraordinary usage of gloria estefan.

it should be noted that this is 6pm - we are getting into prime time viewing.

slippers.

after a while, the 'shoe thing' really gets on your nerves. i don't mind taking your shoes off before you get into the house- i even support and understand that, but here (like with everything else), it comes with more rules and more confusion. if i have to take them off, and put on these slippers, where do my feet touch in the meantime? inside? outside? carpet? not at all? seems simple - but it causes confusion almost every time i leave my room. THEN there are the bathroom shoes. so it is no longer good enough to wear your 'inside slippers' to the john, you have to switch to the 'toilet slippers.' this part is always a severe act of balancing, because the bathrooms are small and cramped, and the shoes take up the whole thing. during the switch i find myself balancing on one foot, resulting in more confusion as come crashing to the ground, feeling extremely guilty as my uncovered foot meets the ground. leave bathroom, switch shoes, illegally touch ground, walk back to room, take off slippers, walk into the hallway of our room, in slippers, and take them off before entering the "sleepzone." i assume the hallway in our room is a "safezone," so i walk here with both slippers and barefeet (reality is, i do this because no one will know).

apologies for using the term "zones" too much.

ps. we still get up at 5:30.

ever been completely confused?

(no, it is not just you. it is sideways). in koya-san.

it's not because you're just addicted to "cafeine."

There are a lot of things that the japanese do well: 1. cartoon dogs 2. on-time transportation 3. customer service, 4. dressing and grooming (to horribly simplify...). what they do not do so well is using the english language. the real questions are - why are they using it so much? do they actually know what they are putting on these t-shirts? i mean, how many people in the world does it take before someone lets them in on the secret that we don't actually call it 'relaxing time'?

you see it time after time on advertisements and kids t-shirts: "innocent everywhere," "love kid," or "FAVOR: i hope he will favor me to make friends with," - (today's most recent examples). most of them do make SOME sense, (like this Osaka train station coffee shop serving up an "atmosphere flavored with cocktails, conversation, and coffee"), others are completely wrong [as was the refreshing beverage advertisement for your refreshing new beverage: "Coolish." (so it is SORT of refreshing? and KIND of 'cool'?)].

the source of endless jokes, i don't feel too bad as i've certainly been on the receiving end of this. at one point in germany, years ago, i even asked a nice lady in the museum for a "bullet."

i needed a "pen." needless to say, the lady didn't have one.

**

hiroshima.

the first atomic bomb was dropped on august 6, 1945 at 8:15am. while an entire city was destroyed - this watch somehow survived?











formula: a japanese kid, an american flag t-shirt, and a peace sign. you just can't make this shit up.

education.

questions i find myself asking a lot:

1. are you supposed to eat this?

2. are you kidding me?

3. what on earth is happening here?


both of these pictures fall in #3.

sing your life.

think of the children.

another reason you should quit: "a lit cigarette is carried at the height of a child's face"

turns out, we are in a foreign country.

Kyoto is a famous place. everyone says they love kyoto. the guidebooks INSIST on kyoto: the temples, the food, etc. however not one person fully explained how UNBELIEVABLY HOT IT IS HERE. ok, so that's not true, everyone said it was hot, but this must be a bad translation. this is not 'hot' as we know it - this humidity is unbreathable.

ADVICE: BELIEVE THE WEATHER REPORTS.

arrival: We arrived around 3, starving (as usual..), jacked up on 9 cups of coffee (as usual..), and exhausted (patterns..), walk out of the train station and almost pass out. picture hot yoga, but without the yoga, and WITH a giant backpack. or maybe just picture the most humid place you can imagine, and hold your breath. ahh. yes.. that's it. ***

dinner: lonely planet described this place as "300 year old soba shop" with the kyoto delicacy "fish in noodles." great. perfect. we head out around... 5? "20 minute walk." 1.5 hours later..... we are still lost.

skills: putting my masterful japanese to work, I ask this woman for directions. she has no idea what we are talking about, so decides to call - but soon she notices that she lost her phone. internally she must be in a panic, but continues to help, and brings over another guy who starts the conversation by saying "i can't help, I'm part jewish." (???) so all four of us, confused, hot, and unable to communicate, are all huddled over lonely planet as if this group formation will somehow produce answers. magically, it does and shawn and i had been going in the EXACT wrong direction.

imminent death: dying from heat overload - i need hydration and grab a convenient vending machine "water." Fuck - it is cloudy?? how is this possible? what am i drinking? great. so now, not only am a losing weight from lack of food and heat, but i am replacing my much needed vitamins with a-horrible-cloudy-water-beverage. we are both about to cry.

"success": we find it.

entering: is this a door? do we go in? is there anyone there? what about these shoes?!? I AM ABOUT TO EAT MY HANDS. please god, someone help us.

ordering: ahhh, yes.. the special! We'll have the SPECIAL! KYOTO's FAMOUS SPECIAL FISH NOODLE THING! (pictured above, left). HURRY!!

man, this would have been delicious!!! ........ if we had the palate for dried smoked, fishy, wood chips. turns out... we don't. the rest of the meal was great, kyoto is great, and it smells like love.

conclusion: i too INSIST you come. just trade your confidence and guidebook for a good map and a local.

breakfast and savings.

morning yoghurt - which turned out to be, creme brulee, and a guy in a turban who loves savings.

answers.

"they drink too much tea, which is why everything is so loud and crazy." -shawn mcgowan

this is from an elevator ceiling - for entertainment.

more observations:

1. no one eats or drinks on the street or subway.


2. i need to re-iterate how clean this place is.


3. subway seats are made of SPOTLESS cloth (can you imagine this in nyc?)


4. no matter how hard you try, you are not as stylish as the japanese.


5. ADVICE: do not wear a short skirt when eating at a restaurant where you sit on the floor (even if you believe this short skirt is your key to insider fashion. it is not, and it will be just annoying for you).


6. often, there are no street names. but not in a 'you-can't-find-it' way, but in a 'there-is-no-name' way. rendering most addresses in guidebooks, extraordinarily useless. unless it says "next to the 6-foot high talking LCD playing a random japanese boy band video that is selling instant noodles," addresses are pointless.

7. lots of dog pictures, not a dog in sight.

ooooh no you (shibu)ya didn't!

you can all act as witnesses to the following statement: upon return to the city, i pledge to never laugh, roll my eyes, or be generally annoyed with tourists. i will embrace their confused ways, their photographs, and will celebrate their slow pace. i will find charm in their "standing" in "walking" side of the escalator, and in their extraordinary volume on the subway. i will smile when i see 4- 5 woman, walking next to each other, slowly, blocking the entire 5th avenue sidewalk, and will no longer find it strange when they mysteriously place their giant day-pack-back-pack in their front of their bodies.

"to each his own," you will hear me say. you want your boyfriend to take picture in front of trump tower!? "go for it!" tiffany's?! "charming!!" these are the memories, and that is a wonderful idea. (ok, so it is true, these pictures are still a little stupid). but i'm not judging. no more!

i took 45 pictures of dead fish in one day.

we sat at the shibuya intersection, drank bottled water, and turned my fully unfolded map upside down- all in hopes of gaining a better understanding. i have shamelessly, and countlessly, whipped out my guide book for maps, facts, and advice. i've been honked at, almost hit by bikes, motorcycles, and other nameless vehicles. i've blocked the sidewalk, slowed down the pace, and gone out of my way to take pictures of nothing. so as you see, it is ME who is messing with the system here, and i have no intention of stopping.

it is all so karmic.

too tired for wit.

(above: breakfast and mags' long lost japanese family)


it must be said: i am retarded exhausted. i cannot believe it is noon. (note: shawn and i tried for a good 45 minutes to find a "bar" before we realized it was, 10am).







quick observations from a retardedly sleepy person:

1. this place is BEYOND clean. i mean, it is sort of mindblowing. i see more trash on my brooklyn block then in this entire city.
2. the japanese are NOT afraid of a vending machine.
3. hot - HOT, VERY HOT.
4. ADVICE : don't wear sandals to a fish market (even if it is hot, HOT, VERY HOT).